


Obligatory Group Chat Fic

by 80sGayTrashGoblin



Series: BAltDAU [8]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender, Voltron: Lion Force (1984)
Genre: AKA sex and alcohol jokes, Adult Humor, BAltDAU, Bad Puns, Colors, Crack, Crossover, F/F, Gen, Group chat, He has become drinking buddy, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Lesbian Allura (Voltron), M/M, Pure Crack, The Author Regrets Nothing, The OG Team has adopted the NG Team, alcohol mention, except for Shiro, friendly bullying, sex mention
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:27:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26031124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/80sGayTrashGoblin/pseuds/80sGayTrashGoblin
Summary: Alt Hunk: y r we the alts?Pidge: it used my contact namesAlt Lance: makes sense but> Alt Lance renamed Alt Keith to Keith Cocaine.Keith Cocaine: Come on(or, BAltDAU group chat fic)
Relationships: Allura/Queen Merla (Voltron), Keith/Lance (Voltron)
Series: BAltDAU [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1794631
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place after the main overarching of the AU, and this is a nice bit of crack to cap things off. I'll have screen names at both the beginning and the end of the chapter, and I won't be adding any other characters for the sake of dialogue (twelve is hard enough to balance already). Also, the tags will change as this goes on. 
> 
> LD verse:  
> \- Shiro: Shiro  
> \- Keith: Keith  
> \- Pidge: Pidge  
> \- Hunk: Hunk  
> \- Lance: Lance  
> \- Allura: Allura
> 
> DotU verse  
> \- Keith: Akira  
> \- Lance: Alt Lance  
> \- Pidge: Alt Pidge  
> \- Hunk: Alt Hunk  
> \- Allura: Alt Allura  
> \- Merla: Merla

**> Pidge created Group Chat.**

**> Pidge added Akira, Allura, Alt Allura, Alt Hunk, Alt Lance, Alt Pidge, Keith, Lance, Merla, Shiro.**

**> Pidge renamed Akira to Alt Keith. **

**> Pidge renamed Group Chat to Interdimensional Chaos.**

**Hunk**

Hey, you managed to get it to work!

**Pidge**

ye

now we can chat bt dimens

**Alt Hunk**

y r we the alts?

**Pidge**

it used my contact names

**Alt Lance**

makes sense but

**> Alt Lance renamed Alt Keith to Keith Cocaine.**

**Keith Cocaine**

Come on

**Alt Lance**

o no wait

**> Alt Lance renamed Keith Cocaine to Mr. Too High Strung.**

**Alt Hunk**

u would know wouldnt u

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Alt Lance**

fraihofaewhu

**Mr. Too High Strung**

THERE ARE CHILDREN HERE HUNK

**Shiro**

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Lance**

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Pidge**

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Allura**

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Alt Allura**

we were all thinking it keith

**> Mr. Too High Strung renamed Alt Lance to Supreme Asshole.**

**Alt Hunk**

cmon man ur just makin these jokes 4 us

**Mr. Too High Strung**

aohwiefiawhpef

**Supreme Asshole**

u kno it baby ;)

**Merla**

Why are you all like this?

**Keith**

dad can you please stop flirting in the gc thanks

**Mr. Too High Strung**

fwiehoafdsaloi

**Alt Allura**

CALLED THE FUCK OUT

**Mr. Too High Strung**

WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE

**> Alt Pidge renamed Alt Hunk to Dirty Minded. **

**> Alt Pidge renamed Alt Allura to Dirty Mouth. **

**Dirty Mouth**

fair enough

**> Dirty Minded renamed Alt Pidge to Dipshit.**

**Dipshit**

EXCUSE ME

**> Dipshit renamed Dipshit to Gremlin. **

**Gremlin**

this is gremlin erasure

**Dirty Mouth**

ur not fuckin opprossed pidge

**Dirty Minded**

wait y doesnt merla get a name

**> Dirty Minded renamed Merla to A Queen™.**

**A Queen™**

I love you too darling ❤.

**Hunk**

Wait I want nicknames too

**> Dirty Mouth renamed Shiro to Drinking Buddy. **

**> Dirty Mouth renamed Keith to Red Baby. **

**> Dirty Mouth renamed Lance to Blue Baby. **

**> Dirty Mouth renamed Hunk to Yellow Baby. **

**> Dirty Mouth renamed Pidge to Green Baby. **

**> Dirty Mouth renamed Allura to Lesbibaby. **

**Supreme Asshole**

did u have to end on a fukin pun

**Dirty Minded**

fukin

**Mr. Too High Strung**

fukin

**Gremlin**

fukin

**Dirty Mouth**

fukin

**A Queen™**

fukin

**Supreme Asshole**

fuck u guys

**Drinking Buddy**

Why am I drinking buddy

**Dirty Mouth**

bc ur our drinking buddy

**Lesbibaby**

drinking???

**Dirty Mouth**

dont ask

**Blue Baby**

that sounds hilarious

**Gremlin**

it is

i have videos

they go 4 seventy bucks a pop

**Mr. Too High Strung**

no they wont

**Supreme Asshole**

oh shit

**Gremlin**

keith i still have the black dress incident

**Blue Baby**

the WHAT

**Lesbibaby**

OH SNAP

**Mr. Too High Strung**

What did I ever do to deserve this

**Gremlin**

u 8 my pot brownies

**Mr. Too High Strung**

NO I DIDNT

**Gremlin**

then who did???

**Dirty Mouth**

Lance

**A Queen™**

Lance

**Dirty Minded**

Lance

**Mr. Too High Strung**

Lance

**Supreme Asshole**

fukc u guys


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LD verse:  
> \- Shiro: Drinking Buddy  
> \- Keith: Red Baby  
> \- Pidge: Green Baby  
> \- Hunk: Yellow Baby  
> \- Lance: Blue Baby  
> \- Allura: Lesbibaby
> 
> DotU verse  
> \- Keith: Mr. Too High Strung  
> \- Lance: Supreme Asshole  
> \- Pidge: Gremlin  
> \- Hunk: Dirty Minded  
> \- Allura: Dirty Mouth  
> \- Merla: A QueenTM

**Supreme Asshole**

keiths finally takin a nap

we re free

**Gremlin**

ive got ur fifty mils

**Yellow Baby**

Wait WHAT

**Gremlin**

shit wrong gc

**Yellow Baby**

Fifty milligrams of what?

**Gremlin**

confidentiality bidches

**Dirty Mouth**

Lance

**Supreme Asshole**

wat

**Dirty Mouth**

Lance

**Supreme Asshole**

wha

**Dirty Mouth**

u cant do drugs

**Dirty Minded**

if keith cant do heroin u cant do drugs

**Blue Baby**

I”M SORRY WHAT

**Red Baby**

MY DAD DID WHAT

**Supreme Asshole**

dont worry its not drugs

its just vodka and gin and ale mixed to gether

**Dirty Mouth**

o sweet

we’re doin shots together right

**Supreme Asshole**

hell yea

**A Queen™**

There are children here. 

**Drinking Buddy**

yes please keep it pg

**Yellow Baby**

Hi can we please go back to where Akira did heroin?

**Gremlin**

no

**Dirty Minded**

PLEASE dont tell him

i want to keep livin

**Mr. Too High Strung**

dont tell me what?

**Dirty Minded**

OH SHIT

**Dirty Mouth**

SCATTER

* * *

  
**Green Baby**  


i found out how to get colors working yoo

**Yellow Baby**

Neat!

**Blue Baby**

yoo lets go

**Red Baby**

cool

**Drinking Buddy**

...

why am i pink

**Green Baby**

thats ur arms color lol

**Lesbibaby**

I love my color =D

**Green Baby**

no prob

**Mr. Too High Strung**

…

i like it

**Supreme Asshole**

u would ;)

**Mr. Too High Strung**

…

**Supreme Asshole**

u kno technicaly red is my color ;))

**> Dirty Minded renamed Supreme Asshole to ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°).**

**( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)**

yall know it

**Drinking Buddy**

and there goes the wholesomeness

**Dirty Mouth**

420 blaze it lol

**Red Baby**

Hold up WHAT

**Blue Baby**

allura sr smokes weed confirm

**Gremlin**

wow weve gotta cancel her :/

**Dirty Mouth**

uavefawoijagpvh

u sold it to me

**Dirty Minded**

ANYWAYS

i enjoy my color v much

**A Queen™**

So do I.

**Green Baby**

yo welc

**Dirty Mouth**

its gr8 that im smokin for the colors update

cancel me u bitch i dare u

**> Gremlin has kicked Dirty Mouth from Interdimensional Chaos.**

* * *

**Lion Queen > Mafia Boss (Private DMs)**

bitch

blocked

wait unblock me

unblocked

bitch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LD verse:  
> \- Shiro: Drinking Buddy  
> \- Keith: Red Baby  
> \- Pidge: Green Baby  
> \- Hunk: Yellow Baby  
> \- Lance: Blue Baby  
> \- Allura: Lesbibaby
> 
> DotU verse  
> \- Keith: Mr. Too High Strung  
> \- Lance: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
> \- Pidge: Gremlin  
> \- Hunk: Dirty Minded  
> \- Allura: Dirty Mouth  
> \- Merla: A QueenTM

**Author's Note:**

> LD verse:  
> \- Shiro: Drinking Buddy  
> \- Keith: Red Baby  
> \- Pidge: Green Baby  
> \- Hunk: Yellow Baby  
> \- Lance: Blue Baby  
> \- Allura: Lesbibaby
> 
> DotU verse  
> \- Keith: Mr. Too High Strung  
> \- Lance: Supreme Asshole  
> \- Pidge: Gremlin  
> \- Hunk: Dirty Minded  
> \- Allura: Dirty Mouth  
> \- Merla: A QueenTM


End file.
